I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
