Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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