can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
