is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
