This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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