I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
