dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
