addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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