one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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