I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
