I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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