I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
