And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
