i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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