I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My dick has a subreddit
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
