When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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