shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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