You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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