I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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