ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
