Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
