It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
