If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
