So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
