then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
