I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
