We need to rekindle our bromance
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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