I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
