either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
