Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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