Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
