My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
