My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
