garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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