he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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