Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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