2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
