I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
