He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
