My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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