you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
