I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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