I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
