i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
