The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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