I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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