stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
