I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
