That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
