New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
