We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
3pm strippers are depressing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
