So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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